Author Archive for Sandy Spadaro – Page 2

10 Things Effective Women Do To Feel Great About the Outcome

By Sandy Spadaro
Sunday, October 16th, 2011

There is a BIG difference between getting things done and feeling great about the outcome. Instead of judging ourselves in terms of how many things we got done, perhaps we can become more effective by asking ourselves how much was done with intent and presence of mind… Think about the great connections you made today, how many bursts of laughter you evoked, or how many times you successfully put out fires. What great idea did you propose that changed someone’s life today? Which actions did you take today that might bear amazing results tomorrow?

The effective woman realizes that there are more important things to accomplish than just accomplishing things.

  1. Effective women know to consider all angles of a situation before answering questions; only after careful consideration and when completely ready, they speak confidently and make sensible and firm decisions.
  2. Effective women know that competition is healthy, but teamwork is more strategic. Daring to create something “different” is better than becoming stagnant with something that stays the same without improvement.
  3. Effective women are capable of being accepting and compassionate, and being demanding and displeased, often in the same breath.
  4. Effective women are teachers, mentors and students of life. They learn more from each other than from technique, and more from work ethic than from procedure.
  5. Effective women learn how to finesse, how to influence, and how to manipulate because they are constant observers.
  6. Effective women might be afraid, but they are brave. They stretch their limits by risking failure and pursuing areas they lack experience in. They always trudge forward declaring, “Yes I can.”
  7. The effective woman seeks more than a negotiation win. Ever deliberating and astute, she seeks a “win-win-win” wherever she can find it.
  8. Effective women are as genuine and forthcoming with compliments as they are with critiques, even when they’re jealous or even when it hurts.
  9. Effective women know that time is a commodity and not to recreate the wheel. If it’s been done before they’ll strive to improve on it.
  10. 10.  An effective woman practices the kind of focus and presence of mind that engages people to talk to her with complete certainty that she’s really listening.

Being an effective woman is much more than accomplishing a purpose or getting things done. It’s about accomplishing that purpose to the best of your ability while feeling good about it and learning how to do it better the next time around.

So after all is said and done, would you call yourself an “effective woman”?

Categories : business communications, personal communication, skill building
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What Does Your Handshake Say About You?

By Sandy Spadaro
Sunday, August 21st, 2011

More than you know. Your handshake is a large part of the first impression you leave with people. What kind of hand-shaker are you?

Ironman Grip: If you’re getting winces or you hear knuckles cracking, that’s your cue to let go!  Assertiveness and confidence are glorious traits, but they aren’t proven by the physical power with which you shake. In fact, making someone completely comfortable portrays more confidence than a vice grip does. Give a hand a break (figuratively) and take it easy on your target.

The Moisturizer: Sweaty palms…you know what I’m talking about. Sometimes this simply can’t be avoided, like when you’re nervous, are experiencing anxiety or wearing a wool sweater at a summer barbeque. Do yourself a favor by being conscious of what you CAN control…like keeping that shaking hand empty of wet or sweating drink glasses.  If it is nerves, try placing the shaking hand in a pocket until necessary to give it a wipe and put it to work.

Fishy Shake: The largest pet peeve of most career networkers. This shake-style is floppy, disinterested and seen as lacking in commitment and sincerity. If you have an injured hand or a transmittable virus, say so up front, rather than putting in only half the effort. But if you’re going to shake, then move in for web-to-web contact and shake it like you mean it.

The Double-Clasper: Generally the super friendly, open-to-hugging, touchy-feely types. Bear in mind that this approach makes some folks uncomfortable, so act on this impulse only when appropriate.  The most comforting fact about this shake-style is that it exudes genuine friendliness…it’s not easy to fake the enthusiasm necessary to take someone’s hand into both of your own and actually enjoy it.

The Fingertip Toucher: This shake-style requires minimal effort and is comprised of lightly grabbing the fingertips and giving no more than a little wiggle. I bet you’re trying to follow through with the manners your momma gave you, but keep in mind that you’re giving the impression that you’d rather be anywhere but here. Worst case scenario…you’re a total diva and are subconsciously sending the message that you think you’re better than others.

Can’t Touch This: OCD types don’t like handshaking at all. No judgment here! We all have the right to our own quirks and boundaries. Maybe it’s a germ thing. Just remember that it’s okay to let people know if you don’t want to be touched.  You can say you have a cold, or aren’t a hugger…whatever. Most people are easy-going enough to roll right along and appreciate being warned so as not to cause you discomfort.

The Pinky Wagger: If you need to resort to using your pinky to shake, it’s a likely sign that you are holding too much in your hands…OR (gasp) that you don’t really mean it and prefer to fake-shake. The label on this shake-style says disheveled, disorganized or simply more interested in the food or booze than in meeting new people.

Slow and Steady: As the most considerate of all shakes, the slow and steady style says to the world that you’re interested, confident and focused on the individual. Absent are the indicators of being rushed or insincere. Slow and steady allows you to adjust your grip, gauge your tension and get in a friendly shake-pump.

Did you identify yourself somewhere?  Don’t worry, you don’t have to fess up to it in your comments…but if you’d like to, I’d welcome hearing about it.

Categories : business communications, Featured, personal communication, skill building
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13 Common Sentence Starters that Kill Your Independence

By Sandy Spadaro
Monday, July 4th, 2011

It’s the day of our Nation’s independence and celebration abounds. Funny how it takes a holiday to remember that our freedom wasn’t always an entitlement.

We’d long ago been given a beautiful gift of exercising the right to say what we think.  The potential problem is that, far too often, we tend to do exactly that.  Say what we think, instead of saying what would make us sound stronger or more direct. “Aren’t we supposed to say what we think in order to be direct,” you say?  Sure. But hear me out…

Your brain has an inner dialogue that speaks to you long before you choose the words that escape the mouth.  I urge you to consider that some of these initial thoughts/dialogues between you and your brain should stay there, rather than audibly display any doubt, uncertainty or insecurity. By uttering those first fleeting sentence starters, you virtually hand over the control of the conversation to the listener, allowing them the opportunity to accept or dismiss what you’re saying.

To be truly direct is to make an independent statement that is not subject to qualification. Holding back on the weaker sentence starter gives the rest of your message the power it deserves.

In honor of the first 13 colonies who made their direct statements of independence, I offer you a quick list of 13 examples. These sentence starters kill your verbal independence and give the power of your speech to the listener;

  1. If you don’t mind, I’ll….
  2. What I was thinking was…
  3. I’m not sure about this, but…
  4. Don’t you think we could…?
  5. I’m hoping it’s OK to …
  6. Why don’t we try…
  7. Maybe you’ve already thought of this…
  8. I know it sounds strange, but…
  9. For lack of a better option…
  10. I’m wondering if …
  11. May I ask a question? (Just ask it for Pete’s sake)
  12. Anything starting with the words “Well,…” or “Um,…”
  13. Anything starting with the combination of the words “Well,…” and “Um,…”

How often do you find yourself using a weak sentence starter, even though you are clear on what you intend to say?

Categories : business communications, personal communication, skill building
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4 Ways to Self-Promote Without Promoting Yourself: Part II

By Sandy Spadaro
Monday, April 18th, 2011

Last week I began the conversation about ways to get others to sing your accolades for you, instead of having to do it yourself. Our lengthy discussion with awards and nominations was labeled “Way #1”. It’s up to you, after all, to find creative ways to inform and educate your clients & prospects about how great you are….without it sounding like self-promotion.

This week I want to give you three more areas to focus on, Letters to the Editor, Speaking and Article Marketing. Each of these areas offers creative opportunities for accomplishing far more with your promotion efforts than you can muster alone.

Way #2. Letters to the Editor

In each of your local publications will be a section where the paper wants to hear intelligent and thought-provoking content from its readership.  The Philadelphia Inquirer, for example, has an email listed on their online edition that clearly solicits engagement in sending material to the publication. Take advantage of these areas where you can find them.  Editors enjoy hearing from their readership for a variety of reasons.

What’s your Angle?

  • Take a stance on something the paper ran in its last issue. Make sure you research the topic, know your facts and write an intelligent and relevant response.
  • Point out an error or challenge an opinion…but do it respectfully from an engaging and knowledgeable place. Ranting doesn’t get printed – nor does it help your reputation.
  • Pitch a story idea (called a query in publishing terms) that will complement and benefit the content in their publication. Be sure to research submission guidelines, as some prefer contact via email and others by snail mail.
  • Talk to the readership. Come from a place of support for the paper.

In magazines you can look for this information somewhere within the first few pages. You’ll find a listing of editors, staff, contributing writers and often, some instruction for those wishing to submit material to the paper.

What can they do for you?

Write back = Recognition

Run your piece/list your name = Visibility

Consider you a resource if they like your stuff = Credibility

Ultimately you need to be respectful, interesting and informative. You’re doing this to build your relationship with the paper as a professional resource and a supportive member of community. In time, they may come straight to you when they need knowledge or contribution from an expert in your field. There’s your shot.

Way #3: Event Promotion/Public Speaking

It’s a well known marketing tactic that public speaking is an excellent way to increase visibility and become more well-known within your field.  Many community entities need and welcome your expertise for the betterment of both their organizations and their constituents. The long list of these entities includes your local library, Rotary Club, Networking Clubs, Chambers of Commerce, Association Memberships and many more. But how does that fit into our topic of discussion here?

What’s the Point?

Newspapers often promote Community Events via their online editions like the Courier Post Online or the Burlington County Times. The guideline here is to make sure your events are of interest to the public rather than an ad for a Clearance Blow-Out or a Sale, Sale, Sale!  Business, networking and educational events have the most chance of being accepted for posting. Check the instructions upon finding the link, as on the BizJournals site.

Way #4: Article Marketing

Wikipeadia says: “Article marketing is a type of advertising in which businesses write short articles related to their respective industry. These articles are made available for distribution and publication in the marketplace. Each article contains a bio box and byline (collectively known as the resource box) that include references and contact information for the author’s business. Well-written content articles released for free distribution have the potential of increasing the authoring business’ credibility within its market as well as attracting new clients. These articles are often syndicated by other websites, and published on multiple websites.”

Where Do You Post Your Stuff?

  1. Use your Association memberships to insert your content in their member newsletters, websites and online blog editions.
  2. Blogs of friends or alliances – Seek guest posting opportunities. Check out BloggerLinkUp.com
  3. Article Marketing sites like EzinesArticles.com
  4. Information Curation Sites in your own city like Examiner.com

Follow Through –Getting others to promote you is a stealth form of communication . Combining the efforts of accolades, article marketing and public speaking achieves the kind of visibility that comes from wearing red blinking glasses in a darkened room.  Your prospects can’t help but see you.

Help get the word out via your website/blog, your collateral materials and your social media profiles. And don’t forget the almighty press release! Don’t know where to start?  Let me give you a hand.

Categories : business communications, marketing communications, skill building
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4 Ways to Self-Promote Without Promoting Yourself: Part I – Awards & Accolades

By Sandy Spadaro
Monday, March 21st, 2011

It’s a commonly known phenomenon – when your name/company name appears in print and is being promoted by the press, its level of visibility and credibility rises exponentially. You already know that your product, services and/or knowledge are superior. The challenge is in getting others to claim your superiority.  Here’s where “being humble” gets in the way.

Most folks tend to get hung-up on the difference between self-promotion and promoting oneself.  I like to think of it as standing in a dark room with a bunch of your competitors…if you don’t turn on a lapel-light or some blinking goggles, how will your prospects be able to see you?

While not everyone feels comfortable wearing blinking goggles, it’s still up to you, as a professional, to find a way to inform and educate their clients & prospects about how great you are…without it sounding like self-promotion.

There are 4 activities that will aide in getting the press and the community to do the promoting for you;

1.      Awards & Accolades

2.      Letters to the Editor

3.      Event Promotion/Public Speaking

4.      Article Marketing

Each of these areas offers creative opportunities for accomplishing far more with your promotion efforts than you can muster alone, so I’d like to provide you food for thought…one step at a time. Let’s start with Awards and Accolades.

I. Awards & Accolades

When it comes to nominations, whether self or otherwise, this is the single most effective way for getting recognized for achievements in your profession, your industry, your community or your non-profit & volunteer efforts.

Don’t want to put on the blinking glasses?  Then have a friend or colleague do it for you.  Write the nomination content and give it to them to submit using their own name as “Nominator”. Assure them that it’s not like being a God-parent; their responsibility ends after submission.

So where do you find places to submit yourself? Each large press publication in your region has recognition contests for individual professionals, company accolade and for non-profit organizations. In my region our big ones are NJBIZ and the Philadelphia Business Journal.  Additionally, many Chamber of Commerce associations promote their members by recognizing them with award & dinner programs (see example: Burlington County Chamber of Commerce’s Voice of Business Awards ). Check out your local association listings and begin collecting your submission data research, including criteria and deadlines.

Got growth? Here are a few National opportunities you’ll want to look into:

What’s the catch? You have to win the award in order to get the recognition.  Check out your competition first – most award programs post past recipients on their websites. Google search winner backgrounds and make sure your own background and community efforts are comparably noteworthy, recent…and not just about incoming revenue.

Follow Through – You’re not finished if you win it. Don’t rely on the paper to promote it alone.  Help get the word out via your website/blog, your collateral materials and your social media profiles. And don’t forget the almighty press release! Don’t know where to start?  Let  me give you a hand.

Stay tuned for next week’s creative self-promotion method, Letters to the Editor.

 

Categories : business communications, marketing communications, personal communication
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Seeking Guest Posts

By Sandy Spadaro
Monday, February 28th, 2011

The Stealth Communication Habits of the Assertive Woman at www.SandySpadaro.com would love to grow it’s content, comment role, and exposure reach by featuring topics that help out my readers…and yours. Let’s both enjoy the benefit of cross-promoting our businesses.  In order for me to get to know you better, I’d love a little information on the content you are able to provide.

Let's Publish Your Guest Post

GUEST POST SUBMISSION FORM here

and return to me via email at sandyspadaro@yahoo.com.

Keep in mind that the purpose of www.SandySpadaro.com is to provide a vehicle for learning and improving upon communication skills, whether in personal or business settings and specifically targets the female professional.  Please keep content submissions appropriate to the site’s mission in order to be considered for publication.  Lots of learning ops, no salesy pitches and just a dash of self-promotion please.

Thank You!

 

Categories : personal communication, skill building
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Will the Real You Please Stand Up

By Sandy Spadaro
Saturday, February 26th, 2011

So much of effective networking is dependent on how comfortable we are in social settings. I know, I know…duh. Yet most people don’t realize what a large part of their conversational personality comes across as less than authentic. Discomfort has a lot to do with that and is often the first thing people feel in a room full of strangers. How does one overcome this setback?  I decided to ask an expert.  Here’s what friend and peer, Marilyn Kleinberg, has to say…

Networking the Real You

Will the Real You Please Stand Up?

So often I see a man or women at a networking event whose inner voice and body language says, “Get me outa here” but whose public voice says “hi my name is”.  If this sounds like you or you know someone like this, let me share a little secret with you…that used to be me, too.

So what did I do? I started by asking myself why was I so uncomfortable? I realized what had me paralyzed was the fear of “what am I going to say, will they like me, do I have anything to offer, or the ever present…do I look okay?”  For me, it stemmed from a place of insecurity.

And then I decided to get out of my own way.

Networking is nothing more than—and yet all about—the art of a conversation.

By just being me I can start a conversation about anything…the weather, sports, business trends, or about the crazy day I just had..as long as the discussion comes from a place of authenticity. In other words, I am interested in the answers I receive.

It’s pretty simple really. By approaching networking from a “how can I help you?” and not a “how can you help me” philosophy, you’ll open the door to conversations that will create commonalities, build relationships and foster a positive, authentic dialogue that can lead to new opportunities.

Also important for me, was the understanding that I don’t need to wear a pair of high heels and the “perfect fitted suit” to be accepted. I need to look businesslike and I need to be comfortable. I need to be genuine from head to toe, inside and out.

So just get over it and get on with it! People are waiting to meet the “real” you!

About the author:

Marilyn Kleinberg

Marilyn Kleinberg is the Executive Managing Director of eWomenNetwork Southern New Jersey and the former Vice President of the Chamber of Commerce Southern New Jersey.  Marilyn’s a seasoned networker, a wealth of resourceful information and an interminable support to women and women in business.  I welcome you to send her a shout-out at m.kleinberg@verizon.net .

Categories : business communications, Featured, personal communication, skill building
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Watch Your Words on Valentine’s Day

By Sandy Spadaro
Monday, February 14th, 2011

Today is the day of hearts, roses, teddy bears and chocolate.  Oddly, people choose these ways of expressing their thoughts and feelings without giving much thought to the words they use. In fact, overuse and desensitization has taken the luster out of this holiday’s most common Sweet Nothings.

On this, as on any day, choose your “love” words carefully and say exactly what you mean.  More importantly, you want to carefully discern the messages that others are sending your way – they may not always be the messages you’re hoping for.

Be on the lookout for the message behind the masked signal.

5 Red-Flag Phrases on Valentine’s Day:

1.       Is that what you’re wearing?

2.       Oops I forgot my wallet!

3.       Let’s take that table in the darkest corner – I don’t want to run into my Ex.

4.       Mom’s been so depressed lately; it’s cool if she comes along, right?

5.       Really, I like the gift…but I’ll take the receipt too.

5 Red-Flag Phrases on Any Day:

1.       You’re not really my type but I’m trying to expand my horizons.

2.       It won’t happen again – I’ve switched my meds since then.

3.       We’re divorced but still live together…”for budget purposes”.

4.       I’ll be able to drink again when the antibiotics have run their course.

5.       Wow our server is really hot.

Top 10 Questions That Kill the Mood:

1.       What’s your name again?

2.       Hey is your brother around?

3.       You sure that’s the right size?

4.       Whose underwear is this in the glove box?

5.       When do you think that pill will kick in?

6.       Are you done yet?

7.       You’re done already?

8.       Who told you it was okay to put that there?

9.       You think they make an over-the-counter cream for this?

10.   It’s okay if I post this on Facebook, right?

Categories : personal communication
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Bully by Tongue: Are You A Conversational Bully?

By Sandy Spadaro
Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

Conversational Tongue Lashing

How often do you find yourself in a conversation with a bully?  I’m not talking about someone pushing your around – I’m talking about the bully that wounds with their words.  Pushy abrasive types KNOW they’re being a jerk.  The dangerous ones are the unsuspecting bully/jerks that are completely unaware how much power their words actually wield.  They tend to exercise control over conversations by insulting, hurting or belittling the person they’re speaking to, without the intention or the realization that they have.  There are dozens of conversational bullies out there. I’m not talking about you, am I?

The ‘My Advice Is King’ Bully

This kind of bully believes they’re being helpful by giving sage advice.  If this is your style, watch your step. Your off-putting phrases make people uncomfortable and create a negative platform for whatever conversation follows your opening statement. Ask yourself…have you ever started a sentence with these phrases?

  • The way I see it…
  • Let me tell you something…
  • If you were smart, you would…
  • You said,…
  • That’ll never…

Think before you speak. Offer other ways to communicate a strong opinion by beginning the sentence with a bit more diplomacy and sensitivity.

For instance, instead of saying “The way I see it…your proposal isn’t going to work”; try “I’m not sure I understand how this proposal will work.” You are admitting to the responsibility of the gap in communication, but not placing blame on any one party (even if you do blame someone). In addition, you aren’t suggesting future failure of the proposal either…in fact, you are actively keeping the discussion to a current time frame in order to maintain focus on solving your issue in the here & now. When you claim that things are “The way I see it…” you seem to be assuming that someone doesn’t ALREADY see it your way and are forcing them into defense mode.

Ever hear this one?  “If you were smart, you would tell them you have too much on your plate right now to take more on.” While the messenger likely has a concerned and helpful intention, they may have just insinuated that you aren’t ALREADY smart. Be cautious and aware to never, never begin telling someone your opinion by insulting theirs.

NO one likes being told what they did or didn’t say or what they did or didn’t do. Starting a sentence with “You said...” is a defense-mechanism trigger waiting to happen. Keep every conversation to your own recollection of how the exchange went the first time around. For instance, “I thought I understood you to say…” or “Am I remembering correctly that you said,…?” In this manner, you are allowing the individual to clarify their information without feeling attacked or on the spot.

Recognize any of these phrases from your own vernacular?  Take an inventory and take responsibility for your own messages.

Are you a Conversational Bully?

Other useful links:


Categories : business communications, personal communication
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Rachael Ray and I Have A Story

By Sandy Spadaro
Sunday, November 14th, 2010

I met Rachael Ray today.

Aside from thinking she was clever and witty and unbearably cute, just as anyone who’s ever seen her will, one thing virtually struck my forehead like the rolled up newspaper we trained the new puppy with. The way she communicates is adorable because it feels like truth. From the modern vernacular she uses to the enthusiastic pacing and tonality of her words, she’s telling us a story every time she speaks. In fact, when asked how she makes her show segments so engaging since she openly professes NOT to be a chef, she replied, “It’s never about the food…it’s always about the story.”

This really got me thinking. So many of the great speakers, personalities and influencers excel at communicating not because it’s about what THEY know; they excel at communicating because they effectively relate it to what WE know.

Weaving a good story involves using a frame of reference that your audience can engage with, laugh about or have a good cry over. The phrase ‘Don’t speak at me, speak with me’ couldn’t ring more true. A masterful story comes from a place of open and vulnerable sharing – the storyteller often gifted with a style that takes the listener by hand while traipsing through the experience together. The story, having a definitive beginning, middle and end, captures interest so effortlessly that one forgets they’re listening to a speaker, but feels instead as if gabbing with girlfriends.

What makes a bad story?

  • Listing facts
  • Reading bullet points
  • Using technical jargon
  • Avoidance of flow
  • Lack of an ending point
  • Condescension

A good story will leave you with a new knowledge or a lesson learned.  A great story encourages the listener to do 3 very basic but important things with the message – Relate. Remember. Retain.

Ultimately, whether because of the story itself or the emotion left lingering on the listener, an effective communicator makes their experience become yours too.

So just after signing my name, then hers, in the new release “Rachael Ray’s Look + Cook” book, Rachael Ray took my hand and we posed for the camera together. Suddenly my own quick wit overcame me and I made the most daring, but applicable and totally funny remark (something I won’t repeat but can tell you came as a direct response to a string of commentary Rachael herself had started at the live interview with Philadelphia Magazine’s Publisher, Marian Conicella, only moments before the book signing).  In that brief flash of time between her look of surprise and the subsequent burst of genuine laughter, it was clear that she knew I’d been listening very closely.

On this day, Rachael Ray and I had a moment.  And now it’s my story.

Other Engaging Links:

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